Wow, so this feels rather daunting. As I am
writing this, I picture myself standing in front of a vast audience of sternly
faced critics poised to jump on every miss-made point and rip apart each ill
articulated analogy. Although, I am hoping in reality that you are perhaps just
a half curious creator of worlds or maybe even an adventurous explorer of them.
But whoever you are, I thank you for your curiosity and time. I am sure glad to
have some company in this long journey of game development—and you look like
you have been around the block at least once or twice. ;-)
Let me introduce myself, my name is Aaron, and I am a Game
Developer and part-time mincer of words. I assume by your attire that you are
perhaps an entertainer of sorts. Now
that we have got the formalities out the way I let me make few things clear
from the outset. Firstly my aim for this blog is to give you an insight into—not
just the development process of an indie game—but also the challenges you can
expect along the way. Now even if one of you, after following me along the
road for a while decides they want to start his or her own journey or finds his own
creative outlet, then my time here will have been well spent. Because I believe
the path to true fulfillment is not found stepping in muddy well-trodden foot
holes, but deep in the dark undergrowth of yonder forest. Yes, the one with the
big volcano looking thing in the distance behind it. No I can’t come with you. No
you can’t take my horse…moving right along.
So in this first entry I want to explain how I came to the
glorious epiphany that indie game development was going to be my number one
creative pursuit. I want to take you on a journey back in time and take you
through my struggle to find an outlet for my ever flowing creative juice. Because I think this is
something anyone who has the creative bug can relate to. Hopefully you can find
something in it for yourself, it is rather long, but please be patient. In the
words of a great man, stay a while and listen.
Since I dropped out of college ten years ago I have had what
can only be described as a veritable treasure trove of jobs. I have worked in computer
shops, butcher shops, factories, call centers, superannuation, investigation
and many other exciting variations. Now don’t get me wrong, there is nothing
wrong with pursuing a career in any of these pathways, if you are so inclined.
I however was not inclined, not even a little bit. Sure I found a certain
reward and sense of achievement in the more challenging of these roles, but it always
felt like I was performing the role of someone who was not really me. This was
not who I was or wanted to be. I tried to see it, I really did, hence why my
journey spread so far and wide. But no matter where I roamed the niggling
little itch of creativity chased me, reminding me in the fading hours of the
day that this was not where I was supposed to be.
So faced with a need for a fix I
began searching. I opened many doors and strode down many a path sure that the
answer lay just over the next hill. There were times when I had glimpses of
satisfaction, like when I wrote my first song on guitar or coded my first
program in C++ but for every small victory there were so many failures and so
many dead ends. Each project I completed never seemed to lead me any further to
my ultimate goal or I could never quite find one that seemed attainable. These
were the days of my early twenties and they were days spent wandering.
Somewhere in a darker part of my mid-twenties after giving up
on song writing and graphic design as career paths I stumbled across a
mold covered knee-high door marked with a flashing neon sign that said ‘Online
Poker - riches and glory this way’. Curious and with a confident grin spread
firmly across my lips, I lowered myself headfirst through the doorway and into
a passageway lined with what appeared to be gold. Looking back now I realise I
was lucky to back out when I did, only losing a chunk of skin and larger chunk
of my pride. Had I stayed long enough eventually the noise of oblivion would
surely have overcome me and taken me to the point of no return. I am ashamed to
admit this is not the only dark adventure I have been on in my time and perhaps
it won’t be the last. The turning point for me was a summer afternoon at my father’s
place, it was around Christmas and I had been drinking heavily and after
relieving myself in the bathroom I caught a glimpse of a man in the mirror. What
shocked me was out of the corner of my eye I had seen someone who I didn’t recognise.
I turned and saw a man who was overweight, unmotivated and unhappy. It sounds cliché,
but this was a turning point for me. I decided that when I returned home in the
New Year I would finally change for the better.
I went online and found online training regime and diet program and
followed it to the letter. Bitter determination stirred in every part of my
being, I have never been so motivated in my entire life, even to this day. I
still to this day remember how awful the first 5AM push-up felt like when I could barely
manage a set of five without collapsing in a sweat. Twelve months later I was twenty five kilos lighter I was
happier than I had ever been before. I thought I had reached my goal and why
not? I was confident, I was healthy and so many facets of my life had improved
dramatically. Nothing seemed impossible, but I was still young and as everyone
knows, no life is a destination, it is a journey with my small victories.
The fitness lasted two years before the weight came back
along with the rabbit holes, sneaking around the edges of my consciousness.
They offered an easy out, a quick release. I was again feeling depressed, again
struggling to understand how I had come so far backwards down this road. So I
took up arms again and began another battle against my weight thinking here was
my nemesis. Here was what was keeping me down. What I didn't realise then was
that my old spirited friend was whispering in my ear, luring me away from where
I really needed to go. My weight was a war distracting me from the root of this
disease. It took a few more years before I was able to call a truce and begin
my search again.
Then my thirty first birthday rolled around like a large immovable rock and it hit me that if I didn't commit to something soon I would soon be forty and those
rabbit holes might just be the only inviting roads left to take. I have never
been and never will be someone who gives up on life. You get one
shot at it and I am not going to waste it feeling sorry for myself. So deciding
to mix things up I drafted up a list of New Year’s resolutions, like I have
since I was about twenty. I looked at it and then at the one from the year before.
Too similar, I started again. Eventually after an hour of sitting staring at
the screen I deleted it and wrote one simple line.
‘This year I will be productive.’
That was it. I just got straight to it. In January I tried my
hand at fiction as I have always loved reading I figured I could at least find
some satisfaction in jotting down an exciting tale. I found a competition for a
short story and wrote and re-wrote again. Over the course of the month I
polished my prose, I got my friends to read it and give me feedback, what
worked what didn't? I had spent an entire month dedicated to doing something
and doing it well. January taught me a valuable lesson, that doing something
well, whilst harder, brings a much greater sense of achievement. What’s that
you ask? Oh no, I didn't win…so back to the riveting monologue…
As I mentioned before, I spent January writing. Then once I
was done I got worried. What if my motivation fails, what if I lose interest
like I have so many times before—embedded in that panic was the understanding
that the creative beast was hungry. Writing like so many other things had only
satisfied his hunger for a while. More than that I realised I didn't enjoy the process, I was forcing it. Sure the first draft was great, but the endless re-writing sapped the joy out of the process. So I started to write again, I found another
competition, but slowly the interest waned and I started to get distracted. It
was during this distraction that the epiphany finally came.
I was browsing a copy of my favourite PC gaming mag PCPowerPlay when I came across and article about a two man indie game team that
had developed a twitch shooter with a deep underlying message. The article went
on to question the validity of Game Maker as a commercial development platform.
After grabbing a copy and immersing myself in an amazingly addictive retro bloodshed
that is Hotline Miami I got to thinking. If two guys working from their lounge
room for a year or so can make something this successful then why can’t I?
Now I saw your jaw just drop open then, but give me a chance
to explain. I understand clearly how arrogant and ambitious this thought was, but
cut me some slack. This was after all, the pure creative part of me talking—that
brilliant part of my mind that convinced me that there was really a pot of gold
at the end of the rabbit-hole-rainbow. The parts of my brain concerned with reason
and humility hadn’t been invited this internal brain storming session. This
turned out to be what I needed to get motivated, I downloaded a copy of GameMaker Studio, spent a few weeks working through The Game Makers Apprentice and
Companion books until I felt ready to begin.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my first blog post. I hope I entertained you at least a smidgen. I will be updating this blog again in the next week, so please stay tuned. The next post will contain a synopsis of Black White and Trey with a few quests of my indie development journey. Stay tuned!
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